The casualties of shelfware

Easter long weekend has its benefits: Good food from both sides of the family, an extra day off to accomplish little with, and a wife demanded – Cough – requested organizational onslaught on my messy hobby room. While the process is usually filled with the rediscovery of games long forgotten, I always uncover what seems to be the aftermath of an all out war between my old model kits. If the setting for Toy Story took place in my hobby room, the movie would have gotten an R rating. I always find kits with arms missing, sliced off heads, dents, and missing pieces. We could blame this on gravity, or the gentile cleaning hand of my wife, but I’d rather believe my models were kicking the shit out of each other behind closed doors.

We’ll begin this macabre inspection into what has become of these kits, by taking a sickening look at my Ishtar cast. Macross II’s Ishtar is an elegant character, who only receives a few scrapes and scratches by the end of the series. In real life however, she is the recipient of a brutal decapitation:

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For a lady missing various important limbs, she still manages to keep a smile on her face. Inspirational, I know. Fortunately for Ishtar, I don’t think she was alone in the apparent debauchery that happens in my hobby room. My Guyver III and Squall kits seem to have been on the receiving end of the nice slice-n-dice job too:

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The worst though, if you can actually believe it, is what happened to my Blitz Gundam HG kit. My wife, who we’ll refer to as the harbinger of destruction, “accidentally” knocked the Blitz Gundam off of the highest shelf in the house. Admittedly, it wasn’t all that smart of me to place the kit up there in the first place, but this is a light plastic kit, and I have thick carpet floors. That didn’t stop the harbinger of destruction from unleashing her “girlfriend-ish” evil upon my kit, which suffered a totally shattered face. Think about this for a minute. A piece of plastic, probably weighing .2 oz, was smashed to pieces upon hitting a 1″ thick carpet. The impossible is always possible when dealing with the wife, and her intentions of “keeping things clean”.

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These kits have ether fallen off my shelves, been knocked over from my clumsiness, or fallen prey to my wife’s resolve to keep things organized. Really though, this is completely a process of construction error on my part. I should have stuck these kits on sturdy bases, which does an excellent job at keeping kits level, safe, and in a non-grotesque-decapitated state. I have my work cut out for me this summer, as I have plans to blast through 6 or 7 good kits. Time is short though, and while I should be spending the next few weeks dusting, and repairing broken decals…

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…I’m instead going to be playing doctor with kits I thought I was long since finished with.

There is a lesson to be learned here kids: Always, and I mean ALWAYS, stick your crap on a stand. It costs a few extra bucks to buy one, and it makes them much easier to display.

Ahh, the joys of walking down the never ending journey towards mastery.

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2 Responses to “The casualties of shelfware”

  1. […] ass leg, causing ‘ol lappy to come smashing down hard on my 1″ thick carpet. Again, the awesome crushing power of my carpet strikes again, rendering my once half-shitty laptop completely […]

  2. […] taken on the task of finally (it’s been a few months, I know) fixing up those broken kits I posted a while back. The first kit, and by far the easiest to fix, was the Blitz Gundam. Only needing a slight drop of […]

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